Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
