I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
