Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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