How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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