...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize