Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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