is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
