We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
