so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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