we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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