he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
