We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize