i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
