It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
