He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
