Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
