At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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