I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
