I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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