nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
