BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
