shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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