girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
