Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
