All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
