I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
