my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
