singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
