I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
