Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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