The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We need to get me chipped asap
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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