the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
