Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
