Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
