please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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