She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i out mim tonsoeep
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