She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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