Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
