it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
