**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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