I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Send help, water and tortillas.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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