you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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