I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
