Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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