ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
