I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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