After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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