I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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