Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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