I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
