1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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