sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
