god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
