New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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