An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need to sanitize my soul.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
