if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
