Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize