what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
