community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
