I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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