i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize