I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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