When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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