My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
