I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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