Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I could fuck to npr.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
