why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
