I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
