i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
