OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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