what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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