I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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